I’ve been one of my own worst enemies since I was about 12.
Maybe it was a little sooner, maybe it was later…either way it was around that age that I began questioning myself and internalizing others opinions about me, or what I perceived their opinions to be.
Was I smart enough? Pretty enough? Thin enough? Successful enough? A good enough mom, wife and friend?
I compared myself to others – not in a way that put them down, but in a way that put me down. It seemed everywhere I looked I saw someone doing life better than I was.
But lately I’ve stopped looking around and started looking within. My life is about being the best me.
Sure other people are more intelligent, but I have the knowledge I need to be a successful trainer. And I’m wise enough to know when I need to learn more or ask for help.
I’m certainly not going to win any pageants, but then again that is not the type of beauty I want anyway. I’m a perfect reflection of my parents and to me there is nothing more beautiful than that.
I’ve learned to not define myself by the number on the scale but I also had to learn to not define myself by the reflection in the mirror. Sure, there are always going to be areas that I want to work on, but instead of being critical of those areas, I see them as opportunities to either be more accepting of myself or to get stronger.
I realize I’m not a household name when it comes to trainers, but over the past 6 years I helped a number of people discover the joys of living a healthier lifestyle. It’s hard to describe the feeling I get I see my client’s getting stronger, or when I get a text from them telling me about running their first 5k or completing a hike that at one time was much more difficult, or best of all, when I see them starting to believe in themselves. And to me, that’s success.
Now for the hardest questions – am I a good enough wife, mom and friend? This answer is a little more tricky. Yes I am good enough. But that doesn’t mean I won’t make mistakes and that I won’t need to ask for forgiveness. I’m human, I sin, sometimes my emotions trigger my actions and reactions, I can be selfish, I can make assumptions (wrong assumptions), I can be critical, I sometimes let people down and disappoint them, the list could go on.
But instead of focusing on all the ways I ‘fail’, I’m learning to admit them and not hide from them. I’m learning to ask for forgiveness and to forgive myself which is making me a better wife, mom and friend every day.
We all have opportunities for growth, to better ourselves intellectually, physically and spiritually. Instead of being critical of who we are or where we are in life, let’s embrace our chances to grow, and recognize the journey that has brought us this far.